Ways to waste time: a novel
When I first started this blog, it was after a particularly heavy binge, I'm talking three days straight on porn sites. I've never got quite back to that depth, but it has made me all the more aware of the hours that I am wasting looking for porn, downloading it, deleting it, then tracking it down again, downloading it, deleting it...
I wanted to stop wasting that time. I guess I thought I could spend that time with God, but I never really put the effort in to doing so. That is what I realised today. I need to spend the time I save by not porning with God.
Also, that novel I've been trying to write - I need to do that for the Lord. Not to become famous, not to make a bucket of cash, but to glorify God through my experiences.
And this is tough; I really, really want to be a novelist. Let us assume, for a moment, that I finish a novel about porn addiction. Let us assume that it gets published, and meets with modest success.
In that event, I may have to accept that it is the only novel I will ever have any success with. At the very least, I may have to use a pseudonym and not claim any links with it when seeking publication for any subsequent books. I may very well have to give up any royalties it makes. And the scary thing is, this last thing, right now, is something I feel able to do - to donate any money it might have made me to a charitable organisation in some way connected with porn addiction. But I still can't shake the feeling that I would do that in order to get my name out there as a novelist, for self-publicity, and ultimately self-gratification.
But I'm getting ahead of myself, of course; I'm talking about the hypothetical success of a book that is currently nothing more than a vague outline and one or two odd lines of prose. Even if it gets finished, the chances of it being published, never mind finding any level of success, are, realistically, slim.
On a more realistic note, following my first day on the Way of Purity, my mentor picked up on the fact that I'm not feasting on God's word (which I knew) and suggested that I journal my feasts for a couple of weeks or so...
so guess what my next post is going to be!
I wanted to stop wasting that time. I guess I thought I could spend that time with God, but I never really put the effort in to doing so. That is what I realised today. I need to spend the time I save by not porning with God.
Also, that novel I've been trying to write - I need to do that for the Lord. Not to become famous, not to make a bucket of cash, but to glorify God through my experiences.
And this is tough; I really, really want to be a novelist. Let us assume, for a moment, that I finish a novel about porn addiction. Let us assume that it gets published, and meets with modest success.
In that event, I may have to accept that it is the only novel I will ever have any success with. At the very least, I may have to use a pseudonym and not claim any links with it when seeking publication for any subsequent books. I may very well have to give up any royalties it makes. And the scary thing is, this last thing, right now, is something I feel able to do - to donate any money it might have made me to a charitable organisation in some way connected with porn addiction. But I still can't shake the feeling that I would do that in order to get my name out there as a novelist, for self-publicity, and ultimately self-gratification.
But I'm getting ahead of myself, of course; I'm talking about the hypothetical success of a book that is currently nothing more than a vague outline and one or two odd lines of prose. Even if it gets finished, the chances of it being published, never mind finding any level of success, are, realistically, slim.
On a more realistic note, following my first day on the Way of Purity, my mentor picked up on the fact that I'm not feasting on God's word (which I knew) and suggested that I journal my feasts for a couple of weeks or so...
so guess what my next post is going to be!
posted by M386 at 8:47 am
3 Comments:
Studying the Word is a great way to spend time.
I'm on my fourth day. Please bless me.
Hey anonymous.
Have you thought about a blog of your own, so the likes of me can keep track of your progress and help if we can?
Or joining higher-calling, or something?
Of course, for all I know you might do both! :)
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