Cutting down
It's not the result I was hoping for, and given the addictive nature of the beast and that addictive behaviour is a characteristic I'm saddled with, it's not ideal.
But I have noticed that I'm cutting down.
I seem to have this thing under control, albeit a level of control which means I'm still exposing myself to porn & mb.
If I stumble into porn, there comes a point - within moments, not hours or even days as before - at which I just get bored. Occasionally I get to that point, and get diverted by something a little more twisted, then find myself thinking 'Eww, that's gross!' and shutting the PC down pronto. More often, I just get bored, think, 'wtf am I doing?' and go and do something more constructive. And so it is. Porn is losing its appeal, or getting to the point where I've seen it all before (as much as I care to see, anyway).
Obviously, I want to reach the point where I realise this without poisoning my eyeballs with another dose.
Unfortunately, mb is a tougher prospect. It has always been the thorn in my side, and that continues, with or without porn to facilitate it.
Well, that's not perfect, not by a long way. I can struggle on this way for a while, but there will come a point, probably quite soon, when I reach a junction: one way is the porn binges of the past, the other is 'cold turkey', a life without p or mb. The freedom of the future.
I guess I should prepare myself to make that decision - and if possible, make it before the addict forces the issue.
But I have noticed that I'm cutting down.
I seem to have this thing under control, albeit a level of control which means I'm still exposing myself to porn & mb.
If I stumble into porn, there comes a point - within moments, not hours or even days as before - at which I just get bored. Occasionally I get to that point, and get diverted by something a little more twisted, then find myself thinking 'Eww, that's gross!' and shutting the PC down pronto. More often, I just get bored, think, 'wtf am I doing?' and go and do something more constructive. And so it is. Porn is losing its appeal, or getting to the point where I've seen it all before (as much as I care to see, anyway).
Obviously, I want to reach the point where I realise this without poisoning my eyeballs with another dose.
Unfortunately, mb is a tougher prospect. It has always been the thorn in my side, and that continues, with or without porn to facilitate it.
Well, that's not perfect, not by a long way. I can struggle on this way for a while, but there will come a point, probably quite soon, when I reach a junction: one way is the porn binges of the past, the other is 'cold turkey', a life without p or mb. The freedom of the future.
I guess I should prepare myself to make that decision - and if possible, make it before the addict forces the issue.
posted by M386 at 3:12 pm
3 Comments:
A friend of mine gave up chocolate, just to test his own character.
He said that one needs to make a conscious decision in the mind that one will never again do the thing that one has given up.
Every Blessing in Christ
Matthew
You know Matthew, that is a thing I have trouble with. There's always been this part of my mind that says one day it will be 'acceptable' again. However positive I might get about it, that part (the Addict) always comes back and bites me.
So far, anyway.
You were warned. I don't need to take non-constructive comments from someone who claims to have broken free three minutes after admitting looking at porn.
Don't sound too free to me. Take a look at yourself and come back when you can be more helpful.
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