A nicotine patch

The subject matter of this blog is such that, occasionally, there will be posts like this. The kind that may make you shout out ‘Too much information!’ and quickly reach for the Next Blog button (assuming you haven’t had that experience so far, of course). Today, circumstances require me to go a step further than I have so far. So reach for the button now. I won’t mind - remember that Audience of One. Anyway:

Although I haven’t looked for porn since starting this blog, I have, especially over the last few days, given in to the urge to masturbate. Nothing like on the scale of a porn-surfing day, and not just because I found myself aroused by a particularly nice model, but for its own sake. And, it has to be said, these occasions have been much more satisfying. Maybe it’s because masturbating has become a far less regular thing lately. Maybe it’s because it has been a genuine release of sexual tension on days without real intimacy. Maybe it’s because I was thinking about my wife and not some blurry video clip slowly downloading…

For all these reasons, masturbation is different without porn. Better.

I still worry that I’m doing it too much, but I realise it is the act of searching for mucky pictures that I’m addicted to, not the act of masturbation. It is however, a fine line I’m treading; as an addict, I realise I am susceptible to other addictive behaviours, and this could become one. But masturbation was not what I intended to give up, although I still expect I will do it less and less as I put porn further behind me.

For now, doing so without visual aids is another positive step, but one I take with care not to become dependent on it. Look on it as a nicotine patch for the porn addict. I’ll move down a size soon.