Some questions
Have I left myself open to temptation?
In the past, I've kept a stash back, and found ways to rationalise it. I don't do that now. In fact, I have got into the habit of cleaning out my PC quite regularly lately, not because I have anything to hide, but in case I found myself somewhere tempting by accident, or some nasty bit of spyware slipped something onto my hard drive.
So my PC - my primary source of acting out - is clean.
I haven't bought any 'men's' magazines for over a year, and don't have any old ones lying about.
I don't watch much TV of any sort, especially not that I would find triggering, and can't limit my choice of channels any further without chucking the TV out...
Those are my only avenues of acting out in the past, and they're controlled at the moment.
The only potential problem area is one of necessity: being online a lot of the time. Working from home requires it, and although I have the option of working in close proximity to my wife at the moment, the baby's gurglings ar not always condusive to a good day's work for one reason or another.
So what can I do about it?
Well, I have a web filter, but I know how to bypass it, I know the kinds of sites it won't block but that will go some way to pleasing the addict. I can change my filter, or get an additional one, and not put it to the test.
Even simpler, and I've had this rule before and kind of forgotten about it: not open my browser without a specific purpose. Don't use the web as a tool for procrastination, whether or not that involves porn.
And I can recognise, and make plans to avoid, my known triggers:
Stress. There's a lot of this at the moment, brought on mainly by a baby and a depressed wife. The baby bits I can mostly enjoy, especially now my wife has started to express her appreciation for my efforts (a major source of frustration and pent up anger in the past). I'm still looking for the best way to deal with the depression, but having identified it as a major trigger, I can try to avoid porn as a coping mechanism.
Boredom. This tends to come during a quiet spell at work, which happens from time to time. But there is still that Jet Set Willy game to design, and that sci-fi epic isn't writing itself you know... but on a more serious note, there's a Bible to read, a God to get to know again. If circumstances provide the time to do that, I shouldn't waste it.
My wife's moods. They can bring about all kinds of negative emotions, from rejection to anger to following her into depression. I need an alternative coping mechanism for this; until I come up with a suitable one, I'll try using prayer.
These are going to need refining, but the bottom line is this: to shift up a gear in recovery, I need to seek God more.
Now, how exactly do I go about that?
In the past, I've kept a stash back, and found ways to rationalise it. I don't do that now. In fact, I have got into the habit of cleaning out my PC quite regularly lately, not because I have anything to hide, but in case I found myself somewhere tempting by accident, or some nasty bit of spyware slipped something onto my hard drive.
So my PC - my primary source of acting out - is clean.
I haven't bought any 'men's' magazines for over a year, and don't have any old ones lying about.
I don't watch much TV of any sort, especially not that I would find triggering, and can't limit my choice of channels any further without chucking the TV out...
Those are my only avenues of acting out in the past, and they're controlled at the moment.
The only potential problem area is one of necessity: being online a lot of the time. Working from home requires it, and although I have the option of working in close proximity to my wife at the moment, the baby's gurglings ar not always condusive to a good day's work for one reason or another.
So what can I do about it?
Well, I have a web filter, but I know how to bypass it, I know the kinds of sites it won't block but that will go some way to pleasing the addict. I can change my filter, or get an additional one, and not put it to the test.
Even simpler, and I've had this rule before and kind of forgotten about it: not open my browser without a specific purpose. Don't use the web as a tool for procrastination, whether or not that involves porn.
And I can recognise, and make plans to avoid, my known triggers:
Stress. There's a lot of this at the moment, brought on mainly by a baby and a depressed wife. The baby bits I can mostly enjoy, especially now my wife has started to express her appreciation for my efforts (a major source of frustration and pent up anger in the past). I'm still looking for the best way to deal with the depression, but having identified it as a major trigger, I can try to avoid porn as a coping mechanism.
Boredom. This tends to come during a quiet spell at work, which happens from time to time. But there is still that Jet Set Willy game to design, and that sci-fi epic isn't writing itself you know... but on a more serious note, there's a Bible to read, a God to get to know again. If circumstances provide the time to do that, I shouldn't waste it.
My wife's moods. They can bring about all kinds of negative emotions, from rejection to anger to following her into depression. I need an alternative coping mechanism for this; until I come up with a suitable one, I'll try using prayer.
These are going to need refining, but the bottom line is this: to shift up a gear in recovery, I need to seek God more.
Now, how exactly do I go about that?
posted by M386 at 1:15 pm
1 Comments:
I understand it is tempting, but I would look deeper and not blame your "wife's moods"... no one can "make" you do something. It is within you. She is not the "cause" of your acting out.
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