Something more needed

I can't just white knuckle my way throught this. It doesn't work.

I need to get rid of the stuff that drives me to it - mainly boredom - and pick up the stuff that keeps me away from it - mainly prayer. You'd think, with time on my hands as I have at the moment, I could spend it in prayer, wouldn't you? But no, that's too easy. Far simpler to waste an hour or two finding another website that stupid web filter hasn't recognised yet. Far easier to have a five minute rush from venturing into the realms of the taboo.

And yet, when it's over, that five minute rush done, the feeling that remains is strangely hollow. Guilty, yes, but mainly empty.

The five-minute high has gone, but in arriving it drove out the longer lasting high of sobriety. Now there's... well, not even lows, just now, but... emptiness.

Which sucks.