Near Mrs
My wife’s been off work a bit recently. This has been a mixed blessing. On the one hand, knowing she’s either in the house, or if she’s not, that she could get back at any minute, has been another control measure at moments of temptation. On the other hand, when she is at work, I get up at the same time as her, even when I have nowhere to go. I use the first 20/30/60/however many minutes reading the Bible, praying, generally getting the day started with God.
That’s a habit I’ve slipped out of, and the effect of losing that is clear to see from last weeks blog entries.
The other potential effect I can see is that I become too dependant on her as a control measure, and as soon as she returns to work... bang! I've fallen into my old habits and wasted 2 months of sobriety. Having said that, although most of my porn surfing was done while she was at work, it wasn't exclusively so. I could be doing it now, and she would never know.
That's not good. I'm not proud of that. One day, I hope I have enough strength, enough confidence in my sobriety, to let her in on this.
Until then, I know she won't catch me, because there will be nothing to catch.
That’s a habit I’ve slipped out of, and the effect of losing that is clear to see from last weeks blog entries.
The other potential effect I can see is that I become too dependant on her as a control measure, and as soon as she returns to work... bang! I've fallen into my old habits and wasted 2 months of sobriety. Having said that, although most of my porn surfing was done while she was at work, it wasn't exclusively so. I could be doing it now, and she would never know.
That's not good. I'm not proud of that. One day, I hope I have enough strength, enough confidence in my sobriety, to let her in on this.
Until then, I know she won't catch me, because there will be nothing to catch.
posted by M386 at 1:07 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home