Day 1

Yesterday, during a completely innocent web search, I came across something which triggers the MB response in my brain.

It wasn't porn, but, nonetheless, it led me into MB.

Having left MB as a middle circle act, and having not actually found any porn, I should have remained clean. I could have decided it wasn't a slip, and carried on. But that felt wrong.

However, I knew that if I declared a slip, a fall would follow - the addict in me would get the upper hand, and while I was re-setting the counter, he would decide that a porn binge wouldn't be such a bad idea.

So I entertained the idea of continuing, not declaring the slip, saying I was still sober.

It still felt wrong.

So the addict took advantage; and made a slip into a fall. Took me into places I had definitely declared out of bounds, bottom line acts, a fall.

Now I'm back in control. All traces of what led me to yesterday's slip, and today's fall, have been removed from my PC. I'm porn free again.

My immediate struggle will be to keep the slip from becoming an almighty binge.
Then I will need to reassess why I keep resorting to MB, and what status it should have in my life and my recovery plan.
Then, onwards: the nine week barrier remains there to be broken.

I won't feel bad.
I will get up again.

Day one starts now.