Another wasted week.

Well, perhaps not entirely.

But, to start with the bad news: I did wipe out 6 of the last 8 days with either p or mb.

Then good news: I've figured out that being ill is a trigger (like I needed another one!). It's a really annoying one, too: even when I'm so under the weather I can't be bothered to work, to blog, to pray, I can still find the energy to punish the monkey.

I've come up with a couple of reasons for this:

1. Plain old boredom, a trigger at times anyway, exacerbated by lack of energy.
2. Conditioning from way back: since I discovered mb the best chance I had for experimentin with it would have been when everyone went out but I was too ill to go too.
3. The fact that I can't be bothered to blog, pray, go out or do anything else that might get my mind off it leaves me more vulnerable.

The fact that I was getting grief from work and from my wife on top of all this just pushed things from 'mb as a boredom/stress reliever' to 'afternoon of porn & mb'.

I've not really binged on porn, though there has been some. But I am concerned that mb has become part of the daily routine again. I hope I can break the habit before it really settles in again. Which, of course, leads me to the immediate answer: new habits, primarily the good ones that fell completely by the wayside while I was not at my best - prayer and Bible study.

First step in that direction is to reset my homepage to remind me. Not sure how good these devo's will turn out to be, but it's got to be better than nothing.