A man on the edge

Don't expect too much in the way of coherence today, I just need to get some thoughts down.

Glancing back over this blog, it doesn't really look like there's been much of a struggle. It reads almost as if I over-reacted by calling this an addiction, and all I've done is decided to rant about how evil porn is instead of surfing for it.

But since I woke up this morning, those girls have been calling to me, trying to convince me they're just a click away. Today I haven't been resisting the temptation; I'm actually having to fight it off. I'm suddenly all too aware how close to the edge I am. I kind of think I shouldn't be writing about it, but since I was thinking about it anyway, I might as well put my thoughts to constructive use.

On the positive side, I have realised I can't get through this on my own, and have surrounded myself with the things of God. I made sure I gave the day to Him first thing, read a few chapters of the Bible, and even now have some Christian music playing.

Even now I don't think I've done justice to the struggle that's going on inside my head. Part of me is convinced that a picture of my favourite model, even fully clothed, as a bit of eye candy, is all I need. Yeah, right, it would stop there wouldn't it.

I won't do it. I'm not giving in.

Not today.