Half Century
The fifty day mark passed this week-end... today is day 52 without porn.
It feels good to be at that point, but at the same time, part of me is still hankering after the bad old days. The Old Me is still hanging around, lingering like a bad smell, reminding me of the rush of porn-inspired MB, the thrill of the chase, if you like, of hunting down new pics and new movies. But I can reign it in now. I'm learning self-control. The Old Me is still around, but he's no longer dominant. I'm in control.
Which is also a bad thing. I've realised there is a simple reason why my eyes may linger on TV images or attractive women, and why porn memories have started surfacing: I've taken my eyes off the Lord.
Only briefly, but what was becoming a good, regular habit of daily prayer and Bible study has been crowded out by other pressures. (There is so much going on in my life at the moment that I wonder how I ever found time for porn, especially if I consider how much of my time it would devour at its peak.)
So, I herewith relinquish control. I'm putting God back in charge, because otherwise the temptations I have withstood for a few days will get the better of me. I'm not strong enough to beat this on my own yet.
Maybe I never will be, but that doesn't matter; I never need to tackle it alone.
It feels good to be at that point, but at the same time, part of me is still hankering after the bad old days. The Old Me is still hanging around, lingering like a bad smell, reminding me of the rush of porn-inspired MB, the thrill of the chase, if you like, of hunting down new pics and new movies. But I can reign it in now. I'm learning self-control. The Old Me is still around, but he's no longer dominant. I'm in control.
Which is also a bad thing. I've realised there is a simple reason why my eyes may linger on TV images or attractive women, and why porn memories have started surfacing: I've taken my eyes off the Lord.
Only briefly, but what was becoming a good, regular habit of daily prayer and Bible study has been crowded out by other pressures. (There is so much going on in my life at the moment that I wonder how I ever found time for porn, especially if I consider how much of my time it would devour at its peak.)
So, I herewith relinquish control. I'm putting God back in charge, because otherwise the temptations I have withstood for a few days will get the better of me. I'm not strong enough to beat this on my own yet.
Maybe I never will be, but that doesn't matter; I never need to tackle it alone.
posted by M386 at 3:42 pm
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