Childhood memories...
...but not particularly of the good kind, have recently been called to mind, and I'm wondering what influence these experiences have had on my porn addiction.
I don't think I've been repressing this, but as I started to write on the subject on the support board more memories came back. This was a bigger thing than I've been remembering it as, for sure.
It all starts with myself and two (male) friends playing "I'll show you mine if you..." type games. I can't recall exactly how old we were, but we were certainly under 10. Previously I had jusr written this off as childish experimentation. But where does it stop being that? And when you're 9 years old, what does it become?
It wasn't just a one off. It started off with the three of us in the garage of my friend's house, but for my best friend and I it grew from there. I recall at least a couple of occasions when we exposed ourselves (for want of a better phrase) outdoors in a couple of places, although, not knowingly where anyone would actually see us.
There was no touching, and I've certainly never thought of it as any kind of homosexual experiment, but I don't remember any girls being involved. What I do remember is having an erection in that garage, though at the time I had no idea what it meant.
Did it mean I got a kick out of exposing myself, even at that early age? Has that ultimately led to my affinity for porn?
This has started quite a train of thought, which I shall have to follow for the sake of my recovery (and this, within 24 hours of telling the support board I had no deep emotional issues or buried pain).
To be continued...
I don't think I've been repressing this, but as I started to write on the subject on the support board more memories came back. This was a bigger thing than I've been remembering it as, for sure.
It all starts with myself and two (male) friends playing "I'll show you mine if you..." type games. I can't recall exactly how old we were, but we were certainly under 10. Previously I had jusr written this off as childish experimentation. But where does it stop being that? And when you're 9 years old, what does it become?
It wasn't just a one off. It started off with the three of us in the garage of my friend's house, but for my best friend and I it grew from there. I recall at least a couple of occasions when we exposed ourselves (for want of a better phrase) outdoors in a couple of places, although, not knowingly where anyone would actually see us.
There was no touching, and I've certainly never thought of it as any kind of homosexual experiment, but I don't remember any girls being involved. What I do remember is having an erection in that garage, though at the time I had no idea what it meant.
Did it mean I got a kick out of exposing myself, even at that early age? Has that ultimately led to my affinity for porn?
This has started quite a train of thought, which I shall have to follow for the sake of my recovery (and this, within 24 hours of telling the support board I had no deep emotional issues or buried pain).
To be continued...
posted by M386 at 5:20 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home